Just a spoon full of sugar...

Something I am surprised I haven't written about yet is my love for baking. Maybe that is because I haven't baked in quite some time. I'm not sure when baking became one of my hobbies. While studying it was an escape from stress although my baking was never stress free for anyone involved. The perfectionist in me always had rather elaborate ideas for decorating the cupcakes or cakes I made and when they wouldn't go as planned it would stress me out quite a lot!

I suppose that could have taken the good out of baking for me but I always loved making things for my family and friends' birthdays and seeing the smile it would bring to their faces to see and taste what I had made them. There is something so special about making something for someone, especially those people who have all they want and need and are impossible to buy for. I have made everything from gingerbread houses to a Minnie Mouse cake to Cookie Monster cupcakes. Those being some of the better executed 'masterpieces'! 
There is something so special about making rather than buying, spending time creating something for someone you love, a labour of love!

I'm not sure where my love for baking came from. Growing up, visiting Auntie Madge meant you were in for a freshly baked 'Auntie Madges sponge cake.' I have yet to make one or try one that was as soft and delicious as the cakes she made. 

My mum has also been baking for as long as I can remember. In fact the bread she still makes today is from a recipe she learnt to make on my first summer holiday to Cavan.

The most recent thing I baked was cupcakes for a Fotosoc meeting. They were what I call my go to cupcake receipt from Rachel Allen that I know off by heart. They never fail to impress and are devoured rather rapidly! By adding extra ingredients and putting a twist on this simple receipe I have made everything from classic vanilla to red velvet, chocolate, apple and cinnamon and my favourite, lemon.

6oz caster sugar

6oz margarine

6oz self raising flour

3 eggs

Cream the margarine and sugar.

Sift in flour, add eggs and combine.

Add a drop of vanilla essence or

substitute 2oz of flour for coco.

Bake at 180 for 10-12 minutes.

Christmas in our house is always a time for baking. For as long as I can remember mammy has made her world (or at least family) renowned Caramel Squares, with a perfectly golden shortbread base, a generous layer of silky caramel and a sweet smooth layer of chocolate. Mammy’s caramel squares are a firm favourite in our household and further afield. I think it may very well have been from watching mammy over the years make these as well as wheaten bread and more recently chili jam as gifts for friends and family that I started making gifts.

My imagination more often than not takes hold when I'm baking and I come up with rather unrealistic ideas for decorating the cupcakes or cake I have made. It gives me the oppourtunity to be creative and test how far my imagination can push my creativity. Although I have to admit, this often leads to stress as the perfectionist in me takes over when things are not going as I had pictured them in my mind.

Being away at college for the past year has meant doing almost no baking other than the occasional batch when I'm home and I miss it but I suppose I've found a different creative outlet in my new found love of photography. (Unfortunatly at the peak of my baking days photography wasn't really a passion of mine hence the less than half decent quality of these photos!)

Baking is something I really look forward to doing with my kids one days just like I have done with my mammy. Although being a little more realxed and open to a less than perfect result may be necessary when it comes to baking with kids so it could be a good lesson in life for me too!

Dxx

A nation of compliment refusers in "Penneys best"...

Why do we, as a nation, and in my case as a woman, find it so difficult to accept a compliment without dissecting it to give praise or thanks to a third party (Penneys being the commonly praised!). Recently I have been told to just accept the compliment instead of in a way refusing to be complimented. I do think I have improved slightly, instead of saying ‘Penneys best’ or similar, I now laugh it off a little and then just say thank you. Receiving a compliment more often than not embarrasses me and I have no clue why. Maybe because I don’t believe the compliment to be true or just because not accepting a compliment is the ‘done thing’. I have begun to think about how people would be perceived particularly in Ireland if we were quick to accept compliments without hesitation would we be seen to be overly confident?

One compliment that I really cherish is when I met my Granda on the main street in town after my Prom last August and he said he's seen a picture of me in my dress, all dolled up and ready to go out and he told me he though I looked beautiful. Its compliments from people like my Granda that are really special to me as I know they are completely genuine. 

It doesn’t seem to matter what I’m being complimented on, my outfit/ how I look/ my photography/ an idea I had or an event or trip I organise, I’ve always been quick off the mark to deflect the compliment away from me and sing the praises of the shop I bought my outfit, the luck I had in taking a photo that actually turned out ok or everyone else that chipped in ideas or helped plan something even if just by being my sounding board. I’m aware of how frustrating it can be to give someone a compliment and for them to refuse to welcome the compliment and not explain why or how they look the way they do and hence why they feel they are being complimented, it seems almost like an automatic response!

Who decided accepting a compliment was simply not to be done without a fight of sorts? Can we not just say thank you instead of tearing the kind gesture apart? We don’t in fact work on commission for Penneys or any other clothes brand so making the hard sell to ensure that it is the outfit that deserves the compliment and not you as a defense mechanism when complimented is entirely unnecessary, although I do think I would make a rather good sales rep of ‘this old thing - was on sale in Penneys - wear it all the time!’

The next time I am complimented be it for my photography, what I’m wearing or anything else, I am simply going to thank the person with sincerity and not be my usual sales rep for Penneys or laugh it off. I think its about time this nation was less dismissive about compliments and be less negatively wired, presuming that someone would compliment you when they don’t mean it.

D xo

Stop & smell the roses...

A few years ago rather unexpectedly, my paternal grandmother died. I didn’t get to see her and my Grandad as often as I saw my maternal Grandparents as they lived in Scotland, when they came to visit it was a cause of great excitement. Often on their visit we would go to the local garden centre, where Granny with her wealth of knowledge would help Mammy chose plants and flowers for our garden.

She knew so much about the plants, their name, how to look after them, what little critters loved or tormented them and where would be best to plant them. I can always remember Granny out in the back garden plucking the dead petals off the plants and loosening the soil in the plant pots ensuring the best conditions for growth. I also remember one particular time Granny telling us about the little robin that came and sat on the top of her shovel, unstartled as she pottered about in her garden. 

Since she died I have begun to notice that I think of her or rather am reminded of her when I pass flourishing gardens or watch my mother planting new bulbs and seeds in our garden, often remarking on the fact that Granny would know what would be best for the new addition to the garden. It’s wonderful that in the beauty all around me I’m reminded of my granny and I smile as memories of her flicker through my head.

In May this year my maternal Grandfather died...

Just outside the window in the room he spent the last few days of his life there was a wonderfully vibrant azalea in full bloom, better than it had for years my granny noted. For as long as I can remember the azalea and hydrangea in Granny and Grandad’s garden has come into bloom for several weeks of each year, despite being planted over 50 years ago by my Grandad. 

The soft lilac and dusky blue of the hydrangeas as we pulled into the drive has always been a symbol of being at Granny and Grandad’s for our weekly cup of tea and a bun (or rather more than one bun, as we were "In our Granny’s"). The lawn at the front was always out of bounds when we were younger and outside playing in their garden. It was a perfectly manicured lawn, or so Grandad tried to make it, the weeds were rather persistent. 

Another poignant reminder of Grandad are the roses that he planted in the garden. I had never really noticed them until after Grandad died and Granny had got the gardener in to tidy up the flower bed where the roses were as Grandad would have liked. 

Again as with my Granny from Scotland, I am constantly called to stop and remember Grandad when I see roses and hydrangeas as I go about my day to day life. I love that it is beautiful, happy things that remind me of my Grandparents and that from the sight of these flowers I recall many happy memories I will cherish forever.

Dxo

(All photos of flowers are taken by me in my Grandad's garden)

From Brussels with love...

On the 24^th  of June I got a message from a friend asking if I’d be interested in going to Brussels to work as an Au Pair for 2 weeks. Almost before I could ask what the details were I said YES. Running in the same vein of my spontaneity, taking full advantage of any opportunities that presented themselves was something I had promised myself I would do this summer. A few days later, with all the details and arrangements taken care of I was packing my bags ready to set off on another adventure.

This trip was different from anything I had done before. I was a little nervous about going to Brussels given the recent attacks there and I was aware of the heightened security presence that would be there. The great unknown of this trip was something that also made me nervous. I knew I was going to look after a 3-year-old, that his dad is Irish and his mother is French so he only speaks Irish and French, but I had never worked as Au Pair before, never been to Brussels nor did I know anyone there and I was going on my own. Unlike the usual purpose of an Au Pair to speak English to kids, I was there to be an Au Pair as Gaeilge.

In my usual, very organised style, I researched places to go and things that were kid friendly in the city. I also planned to make a scrapbook of his trip. As a hoarder of momentoes myself I loved the idea of creating a book of memories of all we did for him to look back on when he was older, and possibly appreciate it more than he could as a 3-year-old. I went about collecting stickers and other arts and craft things to fulfill my scrapbooking dreams. I also bought him a disposable camera for him to take photos of his own.

- Refueling on my exploration of Brussels

On July 6^th I set off on the rather long bus journey from Donegal to Dublin Airport at 7am. I still felt anxious about this trip but was trying to focus on what a great experience it would be and how lucky I was to get to see yet another beautiful place in the world. I arrived in Brussels that afternoon and met the lady I was staying with and then the family I was working for. I was amazed by the beautiful architecture of the streets I walked through that evening and also pleasantly surprised by the calm atmosphere I had stepped into. I felt relaxed and safe, which I was unsure whether or not I would feel.

- My home for 10 days

I decided I would have to brave the world of strangers to talk to people other than the three year old so as to keep my sanity! There were quite a lot of Irish bars where I was staying and true to the Irish stereotype I met some friendly Irish people and even got to speak more Gaeilge, which I loved! Its quite sad how little Irish I speak in my day to day life despite the fact that I’m fluent, I’m doing a degree through Irish and know other fluent speakers. Never the less I took every opportunity while in Brussels to speak Irish which is something I plan to also do back home in Ireland now.

- By architect Gustave Strauven

I loved exploring the city both on my own and with people I met. On my weekend off I went to Bruges and it was even more breath taking than Brussels. I met two girls at the train station who were going there too and we had a great day together exploring Bruges and taking a boat trip. It was so interesting meeting new people and learning about them even if only for a brief amount of time.

- Bruges Canal

- Bruges Street

Although working as an Au Pair was exhausting and stressful at times I had a wonderful time in Brussels and would go back to that city in a heartbeat. A day didn’t pass without several people smiling at me as we passed on the street or asking me about what had brought me to Brussels. The reaction to me being an Au Pair as Gaeilge was wonderfully positive which I’m not sure it would be in Ireland.  Unlike quite a few people I’ve met in Ireland most people didn’t question the fact that I was doing my degree through Irish which was refreshing. 

I’ve come home from Brussels with an even deeper love for Irish and a commitment to speak it as often as I can and do everything I can to promote the language. A fire has be ignited in me to embrace Irish because of the opportunity that was presented to me because I speak a language that far too many would argue is a ‘dead/dying’ language!

I hope to get back to Brussels soon and I’m considering looking for a job there for next summer now that I’ve made some connections there and would love more time to discover other gems Belgium has to offer…

- Grand Place, by day and night

 Beatha teanga í a labhairt...

D xo

Home-bird turned explorer...

When I was about 10 years old I was on a Cub Scouts camping trip in Killybegs, well by camping I mean sleeping bags on the floor of a parish hall. This is one of the few Cub excursions I remember because of the knock on affect it had on me and adventuring away from home. Shortly after we arrived at the ‘campsite’ I overheard the leaders talking (eavesdropping was one of my favourite pastimes!) and I heard them talking about the hall being broken into several months beforehand. For some reason that freaked me out entirely and for the rest of the evening I felt very anxious and sick to my stomach at the thought of having to stay in that hall. At about midnight, after an underage disco in the local club I decided I could not stay the night in the hall, despite the fact I had my older sister with me I just wanted to be at home with my mammy. 

The phone call was made and my daddy made the long trek to Killybegs to collect me. On our way back we got a flat tyre, just to add to the adventure! From that night on I couldn’t go away from home for anything, school trips and even a family break to Sligo. I felt scared and sick to my stomach. I still can’t quite figure out why I got so scared at the prospect of being away from home but in later years the thought of having to leave home to go to college scared me.

In transition year the opportunity presented itself for me to go to St.Louis Missouri for three weeks with five other people from my class at school. This was something I really wanted to do, but the prospect of being away from home made me feel nervous before I’d even stepped foot on the plane. My daddy drove me to Dublin airport on the morning of the flight. I remember talking to him nonstop for the three-hour journey, despite the fact it was 5am! However, as soon as we drove into the airport car park, I immediately began to feel anxious and worried about the trip. I kept having to reminding myself how much fun I would have on the trip and that everything would be ok. I had a wonderful time on this trip but I did feel quite homesick and talking to my family on Skype made me quite upset.

I had certainly conquered my fear and now I had been bitten by the travel bug! The following summer I worked in Switzerland for six weeks in a summer camp. This time, I didn’t feel as anxious leaving my family and I was more excited than nervous about travelling. I seemed to be too busy to feel homesick, which I was glad about, because six weeks of feeling homesick would have been awful!

Going to Dublin for college had excited me for months before I finally left home in September last year. The closer my move out of home date came the more nervous I felt and I was worried I would feel homesick as I tried to settle into college. Luckily I was too busy making friends and enjoying Fresher’s Week to feel homesick. The ease with which I settled into life away from home definitely encouraged me to spread my wings and be adventurous.

On my 20^th birthday I decided I wanted to be spontaneous this year, to go outside of my ultra-planned comfort zone and live life to the fullest. In the midst of my end of year exams I decided to book a trip to England to stay with family friends. It was such a fun trip as I didn’t plan anything or make lists I just went! 

This summer has been full of adventure, starting this blog has been a big adventure for me, I’ve been very open and honest about my life on this very public platform but I think people respond well to honesty like this. This summer I haven’t had the job I have had for the past few summers but I was confident something would come up, and it has. In June I was a reader for the Junior Certificate for two weeks and next Wednesday I’m off to Brussels, Belgium to work as an Au Pair, helping a 3-year-old with his Irish! Another adventure that I cannot wait for! I have also persuaded my mammy to book a little trip with me and my younger sister to go and visit family and family friends in England at the end of August. It has been a summer jam packed with adventure and me venturing out side of my pre-planned comfort zone.

I no longer feel anxious being away from home because my desire to explore new places and cultures overrides any worry or feeling of homesick I used to experience and I feel alive and free!

Dxo

Pessimist turned optimist...

I have always been, in my mind, the person who thought realistically about situations but time and again it has been made clear to me I was being pessimistic more so than realistic. This meant that in every proposition given to me I would think of the 'what ifs' and dissect the suggestion looking for problems. Although that was partly to do with my need to be the one to come up with ideas and make decisions I have realised it had a lot to do with me being very much a pessimist which I presumed was just my personality.

Recently however I have noticed a change in my outlook on life, I have become the person that suggests to others to look at the positives of a situation and am content to wait things out and not stress about situations, be that looking for a summer job or a house for my 2nd year of college. The new found happiness in my life has changed me from quite the pessimist to very much an optimist!

This new outlook on life and all the possibilities that are out there if I am only bold enough to believe in myself and the potential of a positive outcome has allowed me to become more spontaneous.

My lack of spontaneity was something I felt always held me back because of my desire to always know exactly what is happening and to plan every detail of a trip well in advance. The uncertainty of unknown problems put me on edge and made me anxious to 'go with the flow'. This has completely changed since going to University, small things like deciding to go out with friends at the last minute or auditioning for the Panto in DCU despite stepping into the great unknown of these situations I allowed myself to embrace these opportunities and they are yet to have a negative outcome! This made me wake up to the fact that there's an element of excitement in the 'great unknown' and not planning everything to a T. By the end of my first year in college I had auditioned for a TV show, booked an impromptu trip to England and had some of the best nights out that happened on a whim.

This new found positivity has given me a new perspective on life and belief in myself that I can try new things and step outside of my comfort zone and accept the outcome whether positive or negative and learn from that.

Dxo

I'm the happiest I've ever been...

Little did I know eight months ago that I would be sitting back at home in Donegal having had the best time of my life so far, having started and completed my first year in college. For the past few years while at school the only thing that kept me motivated and was the light at the end of the tunnel was the prospect of finally being able to spread my wings and begin a new chapter of my life as a university student. I did not have the best experience of school and I was more than ready to move on. The day I completed my last Leaving Cert exam I felt as though a huge weight of pressure and anxiety had been lifted off my shoulders and eagerly anticipated starting college the following September.

Although I was quite apprehensive as orientation week in DCU approached I knew that no matter how long it took me to settle in that I would much happier than I had been for the past few years. For the latter part of my school years I had fallen out of friendships and was unsure how easily I would make new friends. I had come to the realisation that for years, spanning back as far as when I was 9 years old I had held onto friends who had bullied, manipulated me and been anything but loyal.
Through all these years of rocky friendships there was one friend, the girl I will forever call my best friend who was my rock, always there for me and someone I could confide in as we fought the struggles of school drama together. If it wasn't for her I can only imagine how lonely I would have been through my school years. She is like a sister to me and no matter how much time we spend apart we fall right back into place when we finally do get to catch up over  cup of tea! 

I had feared being alone and always tried to hold onto friends that weren’t true friends at all! My first few days in DCU I was the shyest I had ever felt, although I knew a few people from school, for the first time I had really make an effort to talk to people I didn’t know which is still something that I have to psych myself up to do.

The first person I became friends with at college I am now best friends with. In the short space of time we’ve known each other I feel as though I’ve known her a lifetime. We first spoke when we had a course induction and I asked her if I was in the right room. I immediately knew we would be friends. I soon realised that all those years of false friendships and few genuine friends who cared about me had not been my fault and I quickly built up quite a big group of friends. It still surprised me when my new friends would ask if I was ok and noticed when I wasn’t because I was so used to being the one who cared for a friend who would never have noticed if I was having a bad day.

One of the best ways I found to meet likeminded people is by joining clubs and societies. I joined Fotosoc, Cumann Gaeach, Drama and Media Production Society and these are the places I have come to know the greatest majority of my now friends. I have grown so much as person and come out of my shell a lot having been part of clubs and societies and being recognised for work I have done as Treasurer for Fotosoc, taking part in How Gaelach are you? (where I sang for just about the first time in college, receiving a great reception), taking part in the Panto despite my reservations and finally running for Chairperson of Fotosoc which to my delight I have obtained for next year.

These are the places I’ve found people with a common interest, of varying ages and maturities and for a change I have been able to pick and choose my friends. For the past few months I have been very aware of how happy I’ve been since September and it’s been the longest amount of time I have been happy for as long as I can remember. Often I say to my mammy that I wonder how long this happiness can last (there’s the old pessimist in me) but she reminds me to enjoy it especially given how much of a hard time I had while at school.

So I suppose this is how people who enjoyed school feel and why the saying that ‘School days are the happiest days of your life’ is said, although in my case my college days have been the best days of my life and I look forward to the next three years of making friends, making memories, going on adventures and just being happy!

To tie this piece in to the title of my blog, I have often gone on an adventure, night out with my friends or a college event and been so caught up in the moment, surrounded my great friends and lots of laughter that I have forgotten to capture the moments in picture form but they will forever be captured in my memories.

D xo